I Am Sooooo Smart!

It's my first day back at work after a week of R & R.

As I needed three cups of coffee just to stay awake this morning, a bathroom break was in order.

After locking the door in my "usual" stall, I note that the water level in the bowl is low.

Very low.

Hmmmm... that doesn't look right.

I ponder whether to stay or use one of the other two available units.

Instead of moving on, "Smart Me" decides to remain, but to first check its proper functioning before using it.

Hah! I am soooooo smart!

So Smart Me bends over the bowl and presses the handle for The Test Flush.

And Smart Me is drenched with a veritable eruption of water straight up.

Straight up like Old Faithful.

Straight up onto Smart Me's clothes.

Straight up onto Smart Me's freshly-shampooed hair.

Straight up into Smart Me's face.

All I could do was stand there, dripping, arms extended in a pose EXACTLY like Kristin Davis at the end of the Seinfeld episode "The Pothole".

After the shock wore off, Smart Me made her way to the sink and weighed the pros and cons of actually scrubbing her lips with disinfectant soap.

Smart Me did.

After washing her face, drying off her head, glasses and jacket, Smart Me does what she SHOULD have done in the first place.

Smart Me uses the next stall over.

And ponders once more whether to report the dysfunction (she did), to blog it (she is) or simply save some semblance of dignity and keep quiet, go home and freak out (she didn't).

Luckily, it was just water. It could have been worse.

Much worse.

At least Smart Me was smart enough to do a Test Flush.

Yup. I am sooooo smart.

22 People would rather be commenting:

JoJo said...

And what did Smart Me learn from this experience? Use your first instinct and go to the next stall! lol

I'm sorry to have had a bit of a chuckle at your expense, but the image is just priceless. Lucky for you nothing else burst forth from the potty except for water.

Fancy Schmancy said...

oh, I would have freaked out all over the place!!!! You obviously have much more restraint than I do!

Heather said...

Oh my!!! First of all, EWW! Second of all, you poor thing! I think I'd have had to sneak home to shower & change. LOL At least it was just water....

Babs (Beetle) said...

Oh my! (ha ha) you poor thing! (ha ha) I think I might have scrubbed the skin off my lips. Are you absolutely sure the previous occupant flushed? Just saying ;O)

Maureen said...

JoJo: Smart Me learned that yes, moving to the other stall should have been attempted. I gag to think of anything else but water was in (and expelled out of) there.

Fancy Schmancy: I am just telling myself over and over: "It's just water. It's just water..." Ack!

Heather: Thank goodness I keep a spare sweater, hand disinfectant and Scope at my desk. And glasses protecting my eyes. I feel like Jerry; I need that industrial strength toothbrush.

Babs: Ewwwww!!! Yes, when I went in there, I had to turn on the lights; so I know I was the first to use the room for the day (there are only a couple of us who use it). Thank the Gods it gets cleaned every night.

I know there is such a thing as "Toilet Water" (a light cologne) that some spray on themselves, but I don't think this is what they meant.

Susie said...

Just ewwww!

JD at I Do Things said...

A true blogger thinks nothing of her dignity, even when awash in toilet water.

Yes, it was gross and inconvenient and possibly you caught a terrible disease, but you got a great post out of the experience!

And isn't that what it's all about?

JD at I Do Things

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. You are smart. I'm so glad you did the test flush though, shiver.

MYM said...

Oh dear. Public washrooms are scary places.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Two embarrassing posts in a row! Are you doing these things on purpose for our entertainment? If so... thank you - they're VERY funny!

Maureen said...

Susie: Agreed.

JD: True. Very true. See? I've saved you from posting "I Shower In Toilet Water, So You Don't Have To". You're welcome.

Jo: Not as glad as I am...

Drowsey: Especially scary when toilets attack!!!!

Jeff: You're welcome. At this rate, I will never get that post published about meeting you... it's mostly written, believe it or not. Hopefully I will do nothing stupid in the next few days so you'll see it. But don't hold your breath.

Cupcake Blonde said...

Oh my. At least the water was clear, right? You did say it was clear...right?

Kathy said...

Is it bad that I'm glad it didn't happen to moi? Cuz that's exactly the kind of thing that has Kathy written all over it.

So how many showers did you take when you got home?

Maureen said...

VP: Yes. It was clear. It WAS clear. (Thank the Gods it was clear)

Kathy: Hahahaha! Only one shower. But one REALLY long shower... with multiple repititions of soaping and rinsing....

Gattina said...

Hahahaha ! I just imagine the scene !!

PG said...

you know the water was probably cleaner than say if you were walking down a city street after a rain and a big truck splashed you with puddle water.

I think it's the psychological aspect of it that is so awful.

But, if you face starts melting off, at least you will have an idea why!

Anonymous said...

GGAAAAAHHHH!!! I would have had to go home to shower and change. And then I'd have had to take the car to be valeted and change again.

Next time, trust your instincts. ;)

It's still funny though. LOL!

Tânia N. said...


darla said...

Maureen, I love how you make every-day-average-occurrences seem so funny. I guess if we can't laugh at ourselves once in a while... well, that's when life gets too hard. We have to laugh about it. After all, what good does complaining do for us?
Great post!

ps: I'm glad you decided to do the "test flush" FIRST!

Ed (zoesdad) said...

This post confirms my resolve to always, ALWAYS use my foot to flush the toilet in a public restroom.

Maureen said...

Gattina: It wasn't a pretty sight. Neither was I, come to think of it.

PG: Thanks for the reassurance. If I begin to look like the Nazi at the end of "Raiders", you'll be the first to know.

Jay: I know! Didn't I say I was Smart? S-M-R-T. I am Smart.

Nao: :) Thanks!

Thanks Darla. Not as glad as I was that I did a Test Flush...

Ed: That's what my daughter told me she does! Well, at least my KID is brighter than me...

Janet said...

Oh, Maureen...I'm just shaking my head... :-)

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