A Smart Shopper, I Am Not

It's the same damn thing every year.

November rolls around, the Christmas ads start to appear everywhere and I feel a trickle of anxiety over everything that will need to be done by the end of December.

Then December smacks me in the face and I haven't completed anything save a few thoughts of

"I really should  make a list."

"I really should  do some baking."

"I really should  do some shopping."

"I really should  do some decorating."

"I really should  make my cards."

Now that it's a mere two weeks before the big day, full-blown panic has set in. This weekend I finally found time to bake. The tree is up and the house is decorated. My cards are sitting on my desk half-finished.

But I still hadn't ventured into a store... until yesterday.

After full day of work, I decided I should get to The Bay to check out some Christmas crackers daughter mentioned... it isn't Christmas dinner without a Snap! a goofy paper hat, a joke and a trinket. So I parked outside The Bay on the west side of the local mall as a snowstorm was beginning in earnest. I headed inside, thankful to be out of the -30C and bitter wind.

Sadly, even though what was left was 50% off, there were none in silver - only gold. Everything on my table will be silver... so I walked through the mall to Chapters; last year I found some great crackers there.

Surprisingly the mall was nearly empty (well, all the SMART shoppers were done I guess), and as I passed store after store, I found myself stopping in to finally start my Christmas shopping. I found some great things EXCEPT the elusive crackers, so I ended up on the other side of the mall at Walmart.

With a sigh of relief, I dumped all my bags into a cart. Since I was already there and it was quiet still, I decided to also stock up on pet food, baking supplies two large jugs of cranberry juice and cans of ginger ale for the punch I was bringing to the office holiday party.


And it was only AFTER I had paid for all my haul did I realize my incredibly stoopid mistake.

I had a full cart.

Of heavy and some breakable items.

A Walmart cart.

That the cashier tells me locks about 10 feet past the Walmart mall doors.

Oh and also locks at the corner of the store outside.

Nooooooooo!!!!!

So being the good citizen I am, I rolled my purchases up to the official warning sign that no carts were allowed beyond that point.

A point inside the east end of the mall that was the furthest point possible away from my car.

Bravo Maureen. Well done.

Since my hands wouldn't be free later, I zipped up my down coat, tied my scarves around my neck, put on my gloves and proceeded to load up about a dozen plastic bags onto my right arm. Then I was able to snake my left into the remaining bags in the cart and heaved them out.

Waddling through the mall at such a slow pace I must have been quite the sight -- I dared not look up to see the stares at the idiot slugging her way past; quickly overheating in my winter garb, praying that I didn't pass out before I reached my car.

I began to shake and sweat profusely, so I left through an outside door to get some refreshing cold air. It was dark already, but the snow falling on my face felt wonderful. I shuffled through the drifts and ice to my car and thanked the gods that I had made it without dropping or breaking anything. 

And then I saw them.

Not one, but two

Walmart carts being pushed by SMART shoppers.



Dammit.


4 People would rather be commenting:

Dez said...

Panicked? Me too. Wanna hold hands? Oh wait, not with all those bags, you don't....

Re: shopping adventures? This also sounds incredibly familiar....right down to the buckets of sweat. Here's to knocking it out of the park early...next year.

JoJo said...

I am so sorry to be chuckling heartily at that vision but BWAAA HAAA HAAAA. Only because that could so easily have been me. But...did you find the crackers?

Maureen said...

Dez: Yeah... NEXT year. I keep telling myself not to wait to the last minute, and every year I seem to get later and later... I never learn.

JoJo: Yes! I found two lone boxes hidden in the ornaments section; the last of their stock. Luckily they were silver with reindeer - Perfect!

The Asian Pear said...

No worries. This has happened to me many times as well. There needs to be a free valet at Walmart & malls if they don't let us push those carts.

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