Depth Perception

If you ever came to dinner at my house, there is a 99.999992% chance you will be eating from a plate, bowl or cup that has a chip out of it.

Why is this, you ask? (I am assuming you ARE asking or this will be the stupidest shortest post I've ever written...)

Am I so frugal that I still use really, really old dishware?

Do I loan out my table settings as targets to myopic skeet shooters?

Am I chucking them into the air to create bogus UFO videos?

No. No. And perhaps.

Actually, I simply have a problem with depth perception. Well, maybe "problem" is a tad understated.

I am cursed with a Lack Of Coordination.

I possess a Deficiency Of Proper Perception.

A Deprivation of Spacial Relationships.

These days I rarely encounter a session of emptying the dishwasher without somehow cracking one plate on another whilst trying to stack them in the cupboard. It's not uncommon to watch shards fly as yet another piece of my matching dishware is slowly destroyed.

Dinner plates
I am seriously considering the necessity of wearing safety goggles when putting away the dishes.

Bowls and side plates

So if you DO risk life and limb to visit, just search carefully through that salad... you may find it's a lot crunchier than it should be.

21 People would rather be commenting:

Karen MEG said...

That's FUNNY Maureen! I've been doing a lot of that lately too, shards come flying out at me when I unload the dishwasher or put crash the dishes into each other in the cupboards. Hence I'm going for the generic white dishes from now on.

Maybe I just need new glasses.

willowtree said...

I'm not ambidextrous, but I do on occasion use my left hand to move things, and when I do I invariably drop them or knock them in to hard surfaces.

PS. I couldn't live with chipped crockery.

Nora said...

I bet you are always in a terrible rush to do things and you don't take the time you need to unload the dishwasher properly. Smash, bang, crash is the result. My sister operates like that too.

AshPup said...

In a chemistry lab we just toss the cracked piece of glassware into the massive "broken glass" bin and get a brand shiny new (and clean!) replacement. I'll admit, for some of my more caked on chemistry messes, it may have not been 'accidental' that the soiled flask slipped from my soapy glove and shattered in the sink... then again I'm not actually the one paying for the replacement :o) I think they look beautiful (my 1 year old Ikea plates look about the same by now).

Maureen said...

Karen Meg: Hah! In a sick way, I am glad to hear I am not alone!
My condolences ;)

WT: I AM ambidextrous; I only write with my right hand, everything else I am a lefty. Maybe THAT has something to do with it!

Noortje: You are probably right, I need to slow down...

Hah Ashley! I wish I had a bin to throw them into and a magic cupboard to pull new ones from! But of all the commentors, you should be the most concerned; you HAVE eaten over here! Have I scared you from coming over this summer? ;)

Lady Banana: I WISH I could blame hubby or the dishwasher - unfortunately I KNOW it is me...

Bruce Johnson said...

I will show up with skeet rifle and a bunch of plastic dishware for replacements.

DJ Kirkby said...

'A Deprivation of Spacial Relationships' lol, too funny!

Canadian flake said...

roflmao wayyyyyy too funny..I am a clutz so I think I can sorta relate..lmao.

Thanks for the giggles.

darla said...

Oh, this is good, Maureen! I guess one thing is for sure... when your plates are half the size they once were, people will be eating less. Maybe.
Ever considered paper plates? Or are you afraid of paper cuts?
Great post!!

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Hmmm, I'm thinkin you may want to consider some other kind of material. My mom used to have nothing but melmac stuff. Remember that?

Maureen said...

Lotus07: Ha! Yeah, come on by!

DJ: :) Thanks. It's all true. Really.

Canadian Flake: Thanks!

Hah Darla! So true! Yes, I am sure I would find a way to either:

a) hurt myself (yes, paper cuts are a definite possibility)

b) destroy them... probably by setting them on fire.

Jeff: I remember Corelle ware, is that the same? Even though they are supposed to be indestructable, I am sure I would find a way to debunk that.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

I just woke up my kids with the laughter. I'm going to have to start reading your stuff during the daytime when the household is already awake.

yellojkt said...

We have some ancient Pfaltzkraft that is indestructible. And trust me, I've tried.

Maureen said...

Sorry Ed! Perhaps I need to place a disclaimer on the page... ;) Thanks for the compliment!

Yellojkt: But is there a prerequisite that you must be able to SAY the name of that stuff to be allowed to use it? Cuz if so, I am so screwed....

Cupcake Blonde said...

Perhaps it is time to invest in plastic dishware....

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should use Correll plates. Have you seen the new commercial where they send the plates out onto a runway with models, and they've greased the runway? It's kind of amusing.

Nancy in CT

Momo Fali said...

How did you get in my house and snap a picture of my dishes without me knowing?

Heather said...

If I didn't have Corelle (sp?) dishes, mine would look like this as well. It's amazing how often you can smack their plates & bowls against the edges of the cabinets & countertops and never break them! (I have that depth perception problem as well! LOL)

Maureen said...

Vegas Princess: Perhaps it is time...

Hi Nancy! Ha! No, I haven't seen that one... I'll have to search YouTube for it... thanks!

Momo Fali: Har!!! My family thinks I'm weird enough, taking photos of OUR dishes!!

Heather: I do have an old set of Corelle; for when we used to camp... maybe I need to dig them out again!

mr zig said...

I 'm surprised that my dishes are still intact - but my main problem seems to be walking into walls, and doorways - Perhaps as long as I dont' carry dishes from one room to another I won't smash them into anything :)

Maureen said...

My husband has that affliction; maybe it's an XY chromosome thing...

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