Now that we are just weeks away from our last mortgage payment, I am amazed at the telephone calls we’ve been inundated with lately.
It seems that we are prime targets for greedy banks “generously” offering us all kinds of special deals. In recent months, I've received calls from various institutions asking what THEY can do for US.
Home equity loans?
Home improvement loans?
How can we improve our service to your banking plan?
What about investments?
Um. Yeah. Right.
Yesterday was the kicker though. It’s not enough they call at THE MOST inconvenient time, now I am getting follow-up calls on their solicitation calls.
Automated phone messages asking me to evaluate my coerced conversation with their sales person.
Not only do I NOT have time at dinner to take the first unprompted call, but they must be daft to think I am going to waste even more time answering some idiotic survey on how perfectly their personnel interrupted my quickly-cooling meal.
Not unless it goes something like this:
How would you describe our last invasion of your privacy?
Neither pleasant nor unpleasant; more like torture
Very torturous akin to poking my eyes out with a blunt stick
How would you describe the tenacity of our personnel?
Neither pushy nor ambivalent; similar to a bulldog
Somewhat similar to a large bulldog
Very similar to a large, rabid, slobbering bulldog
How would you rate our “special” offers?
Neither lame nor interesting; ironically too little, too late
Somewhat sadly ironic
Very ironic, now that I HAVE money, I don’t need you!
How would you rate the length of the previous call?
Neither long nor short; almost infinity-ish
Somewhat like infinity
Very like infinity to the power of infinity
Would you recommend our services to others?
Neither unlikely nor likely; inconceivable actually
Very inconceivable, unless they are my evil arch enemy or they work for a bank
Thank you for your ti--
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