Creeper In The Virginia Creeper

It was a typical evening. Or so I thought.

After working all day doing household chores blogging most of the day away, it was finally time for bed. So I went through the usual routine:

1) Turn off the laptop.

2) Turn off the lights in all three aquariums.

3) Turn off the outside lights and lock the front door.

4) Kiss hubby goodnight as he stared at the TV movie that, as usual, he'll never stay awake through to the end.

5) Wash up, brush teeth, change into PJs.

6) Climb into my comfy waterbed with a satisfied *Ahhhhh!* and head off into a blissful sleep, perchance to dream of Johnny Depp.

7) Bolt upright and swear at the high-pitched whining, informing me yet again I forgot to let the dog out.

8) Stumble in the dark to retrieve my slippers, weave down the hall, wince at the bright lights of the kitchen and then the garage as Casey scampers outside in the dark.

But this is where the routine stops. At least on this night. For as I wait for the canine to return, I get a silly notion to check if any plants on the deck need watering.

And before I head out the back door, I stop dead in my tracks.

For there, hanging at face level just inches from my nose, is The Arachnid.

GAH!!!! One more step, and I would have had smacked right into the damn thing.

So, being the Incredibly Brave Blogger that I am (you can just refer to me as IBB), I hastily backpedaled and ran inside to grab my camera. When I returned he was still there, dropping slowly on a single shimmery thread. So I take a few shots. Okay, a tad more than a few.

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!!!!

FLASH!

I must have been blinding all eight of his eyes, for soon it had enough and began to swing back and forth until it landed on the Virginia Creeper growing up the wall on the right side of the door. Before he could find refuge behind a leaf from the paparazzi accosting him, I finally got a good shot:

SpiderEwww... at least he was gone in the morning, leaving no Indiana-Jones type cobweb I'd have to machete my way through.

And at least I didn't have dreams of creepy spiders crawling into my mouth that night. At least, not that I can remember.

But crap, I didn't dream of Johnny either. At least, not that I can remember either.

Dammit.

28 People would rather be commenting:

ReformingGeek said...

That was a great setup. I was anxiously awaiting the appearance of your critter and what a critter it was! YIKES!

I think I dreamed about pee last night. WTF? I guess I needed to get up and take care of that, huh?

Heather said...

UGH! I **HATE** spiders!!!! [Insert full-body shiver here]

Ashley said...

ugh, he's a meaty one alright. shudder. my new place is set back on a creek, heavily wooded, hence we have a lot more spiders than i'm used to. i've learned to get along with the daddy long legs, they're pretty innocuous and as houseguests they actually take care of a lot of the other tiny creepy-crawlies that try to invade our place. the meaty brown house-spiders, however, are not allowed and should they enter will meet instant death by shoe. the worst part is that black widows are pretty rampant out here, i'm always checking after i smack the little jerk if he flops over to reveal one of those red-marked bellies. eeek!

Babs-beetle said...

Oh well, you weren't the only one! Last night I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and a BIG black spider ran across the kitchen floor and behind the washing up machine!

Did I have my cup of tea? I did NOT! I shut the kitchen door and didn't go in there again until today! Where do they go to I wonder.

Sistertex said...

And hopefully you did let Casey back in.... or is he still out there somewhere. ;) (just kidding)

The spider probably though he was suddenly caught in one hell of a lightening storm.

Last night after I got in bed, OH was alseep already, I looked up and saw a spider walking across the ceiling over his side of the bed. My mind was racing how do I get it 'quietly' without it falling down on my OH. I got up and got my 'zoomer'....can't think of the name of it but it is like a Dust Buster. Walked over to the other side of the bed reached up and sucked it up in that...and scared the crapola out of my OH. Wonder what he was dreaming about after that. Well at least he was safe with me on guard. :)

Daisy said...

That looks like a real mean-type spider! That's my professional opinion.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Oh holy crap! Yuk! Yuk! I always worry about this happening. There are spiders all over our front porch and I just know that one day I'm going to come home and this is going to happen to me! Aaaargh!

My dad stuck his hand in a glove about two weeks ago and it bit him and his finger got all red and the nurse practioner looked at it and said "Oooh...that's not good."

She then said that if he hadn't already been on antibiotics they would have put him on some because otherwise his flesh would have been eaten away. Dad later told me he had heard of a person that this had happened to, only it had been their foot and their flesh had fallen away up to the knee before it was stopped by some serious drugs.

Soo....anyhow. . .glad you didn't get bit.

Vegas Princess said...

I can handle a lot of bugs but spiders do me in. I can't stand thinking of them walking on me. UGH!

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

I'm sorry. What you got there is a small dog. God. You are my idol for going back for your camera. How do you DO it?!?!?!

be.bart said...

I was looking forward to reading what kind of activities you do after bed-time, but I must say this turned out to be a bit... disappointing.

Badass Geek said...

Spiders are eight-legged bringers of evil.

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, my gosh! You are a true blogger, aren't you! Only an IBB thinks of the perfect blog post and photo BEFORE thinking of their own safety. I commend you.

The Green Stone Woman said...

You don't believe that story about spiders creeping into your mouth at night, do you? It would wake you up, really!

JoJo said...

You should see the wolf spiders we have up here. Stretched leg to leg they can be as big as a sandwich plate. BTW, if you hear distant screaming in the western wind sometimes, that would be me when they get in my house.

toners said...

Wow - you are one dedicated blogger, Maureen!! How many of us would run and get the camera in this position???? :)

Maureen said...

Reforming Geek: Thanks! Oh, and yeah; hopefully you wake up when having THAT particular dream! Gah!!

Heather: Moi aussi (me too)...

Ashley: Yeah, I can deal with Daddy Long Legs; but the "meaty" ones (good name) are a different story. However, if I knew there would be the chance of a Black Widow??? Holy crap; you would see a Maureen-shaped hole in my front door, I would be on a plane back to Canada in a flash. You are far braver than I.

Babs-Beetle: He went back into his hiding spot to scare you again tonight! (Ha! Just kidding). No tea? That's cruel.

SisterTex: Oh yeah! Casey!!! ;) No the dog came back in... But OMG your story was hilarious!!! Poor hubby! Did he think you were doing some midnight vacuuming of the ceiling? Ha! Poor guy; what a rude awakening!

Daisy: Good to know I have a professional here to confirm it. Yes, it was mean-looking alright. I don't want to meet up with him again.

Lisa: OMG I am too (especially after THAT story!) GAHHHHH!!! This is why I prefer winter; no creepy crawlies around when it's - 40 C.

Vegas Prineess: And their webs; don't forget the webs!!! AHHHH!

Kathy: You have to remember I was half-asleep. Obviously not in my right mind.

Be.Bart: You are so bad. But remember, I left hubby on the couch watching TV... so spiders are as exciting as it got.

Badass Geek: I couldn't agree more.

JD: What the hell did I do before blogging? Run away screaming, that's what.

The Green Stone Woman: No, I HOPE those stories aren't true... I spent years camping and cringe at the thought of a midnight snack while I slept. GAK.

Ahahahaha Jo Jo! Yes, I will listen... and anything named afer a Wolf can't be good. Nope. Not good AT ALL.

Maureen said...

Toners! Sorry, it took me so long to answer those last people, I missed your comment...

Yes, a true blogger I be. Thank goodness for digital cameras; you can zoom in WITHOUT getting dangerously close ;)

Janet said...

That IS a great shot! I think he's a little bit creepy. I'm reminded of a story about daddy long legs...must write that one up for the blog. Thanks for that bit of inspiration, Maureen!

Marsha's Mpressions said...

Only true bloggers would go get their cameras in the middle of the night!! Yes, I would have too. :)

VE said...

Spiders in the mouth? That's like bonus flossing. Cool...

Swubird said...

Maureen:

Did you ever let the dog out?

Great shot of the spider. I have had similar instances in the garage. But I hate spiders. A shrink (probably a quack) once told me that if I hated spiders, that meant I could easily spot my enemies. Maybe so. I guess it depends on how many enemies I have.

Happy trails.

Jeff said...

Oh my, you are incredibly lucky! That is a deadly poisonous Red-Legged Winnipod - found only in the southern regions of Manitoba. One bite from this sucker and it's over in like 5 minutes.

btw... do you have a will?

Maureen said...

Ha! You are most welcome Janet! Can't wait to read YOUR story! (or perhaps I can, now that I realise it will also be a story about spiders too...)

Marsha's Mpressions: We ARE a rare breed, aren't we? ("Rare breed" is a far better monniker than "weirdo").

Ew, Ew, Ew, VE!!! I can always count on you to gross me out even more. Thanks for being consistent.

Swubird: Yes, the dog went in and out without the slightest concern to my welfare. Lassie she is not. And easily able to spot enemies, eh??? Well, I have to agree; especially if those enemies ARE spiders!

Maureen said...

Ack! Jeff!!!! When I saw those red spots, I did worry a bit.... dammit.

I'm going to bring some down to St. Cloud so they multiply in YOUR yard ... yes, as a matter of fact, we are heading down again in about 10 days - so watch out!!!! (insert eviiiiil laugh here).

Jeff said...

Sweet! Call me for sure!

Bruce said...

What is the fascination that women have with Johnny Depp. I mean the guy plays a gay pirate and Willy Wonka? What gives.....(personally, I dream of Sophia Loren in her heyday....)

JoJo said...

Wait a sec! My last name is Wolf! lol

Maureen said...

Jeff: Wanna meet us at Space Aliens??? Daughter wants to go there ;)

Bruce: Captain Jack is NOT gay! Geesh...

Jo-Jo: Oh, crap! So I take back my previous Wolf statement... they are awesome! (Actually we have a lot of wolf things in our home; some artwork I have done, sculptures... so I guess I love them after all - just not the spider kind, K?)

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