House Call

Whilst scrubbing out the jacuzzi tub the other day, a job well past-due since I tend to avoid it at all costs, I had a thought (a daft habit I have while performing mind-numbing chores).

I thought: "I never, ever want to be a patient of Dr. Gregory House."

House MD
Now you may think it is because of one or more of the following:

1) Dr. House isn't real. Okay, I'll admit that if your physician doesn't exist it would in fact make examinations a titch more difficult.

2) Dr. House only takes extreme, life or death cases that no one else has been able to solve. Which wouldn't be that great in of itself.

3) Dr. House is mean. I would be in tears more than once if submitted to his infamous, so-called "beside manner".

No, it isn't because of any of those albeit semi-valid rationale.


The reason I wouldn't want to be a patient of Dr. Gregory House is because of the part in every freaking episode where they break in go to the patient's home to ascertain the cause of the strange illness no one has come down with before.

Talk about painful! I can just imagine the excruciating scene:


As House's three Fellows enter her home, they are struck with a strange odor.

"Cat owner." One remarks, screwing up her nose in revulsion.

"Definitely. Could be cat scratch fever..." Another postulates.

"Nah. No tell-tale scratches on the patient. Hmmmm... looks like she has a dog too; and a shaggy one at that." The charming Aussie doc observed in that all-too sexy accent, pointing to the the hair-infested pet bed.

"More likely THIS is the culprit" the first Resident calls from the bathroom. As the other two enter they shake their heads in agreement, wincing at the soap scum and black mold growing around the jets in the tub.

"Yup, that's gotta be it alright. Take a sample for the lab" the ravishing Aussie instructs, grabbing his rucksack and pulling out a test tube and swab, offering it to the female Fellow.

"YOU take the sample! I'm not touching that!" She squeals, backing away in disgust.

So he shoves it at the Junior Fellow. Snapping on a pair of extra-thick latex gloves, he swears under his breath. "I always get stuck with the crap jobs..."


Which simply confirms that I need to cut back on watching medical dramas. Either that, or stop letting my mind wander while cleaning.

Or perhaps just simply cutting back on mundane chores in the first place. Yeah. I can do that.

As long as I'm not stricken with some horrible heretofore unknown sickness. Then I'm scrubbing MY House from top to bottom.

Just in case.

27 People would rather be commenting:

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Funny! I don't worry about Dr. House when I clean. Come to think of it... I don't worry about cleaning my house either!

MYM said...

LOL! omg ... I don't watch the show but the thought of a doctor in my house to ascertain some illness ... I have 3 cats! And I'm messy. Scary!

But the most important part of this post? You have a jacuzzi? Snazzy.

Heather said...

Too funny! I totally agree. I'm not the best housekeeper in the world and periodically have similar thoughts of something happening to me and people having to come into my house (specifically the rooms of which I close the doors when company comes over) to do this or that. I think I'll spend a little extra time cleaning this evening... LOL

Janet said...

lol My cleaning often consists of hiding stuff when ppl come over, then never being able to find it again. :-)

Irene said...

I am just thinking that you have a husband, but you seem to take care of all the jobs in the house yourself. Doesn't he ever help out?

Momo Fali said...

This makes me feel so much better! I have actually though about something happening to me and someone having to go through all my CRAP and wondering WHY I didn't throw a lot more stuff in the trash.

Babs-beetle said...

Ha ha! No matter how clean you think you are, there is always something they could find that they would turn their nose up at. I'm not at all sure it's always to do with our pets either :)

Badass Geek said...

They would find way too many reasons for me to be sick if they came and inspected my house. They wouldn't know what to treat me for.

Unknown said...

That is hilarious. I never thought of that but I have had other thoughts about my things when I am gone. You have inspired a post my dear!

jay said...

I have a confession to make. I have never watched an episode of House. I keep meaning to, but having missed the beginning, I feel I need to wait until it comes around again. I suppose I could buy the DVDs ..

I don't think you're at all odd for fantasising about House while cleaning. Anything is good if it takes your mind off the hideous task (by which I mean ANY housework is hideous, not yours in particular).

But it's a good thing daydreams can't be monitored, or I think Johnny Depp would be asking for a restraining order against me. Tee hee.

Bruce Johnson said...

Never really watched the show, but I know of it and his bedside manner. The most astounding thing is to see him out of character in real life.....and he has a British accent....that just screws me up....

ReformingGeek said...

Hugh Laurie is an awesome actor but Dr. House is certifiable!

Yes, I cringe thinking about someone digging through my house going huh?

Now I'm getting paranoid thanks to you. ;-)

JoJo said...

Someone sent me a Piece of Flair on Facebook that says, "I understand the concept of housecleaning but not as it relates to me."

Swubird said...


You are so funny. But I agree with you. After all, who wants a stranger snooping around underneath your kitchen sink? Hey, I cleaned mine just five short years ago. Doesn't time fly?

Happy trails.

Karen MEG said...

Maybe get a cleaning lady, just sayin'... I know, I'm so incredibly lazy

Hope your summer is going well, Maureen!

Maureen said...

Jeff: Oh, sure leave it to Charli to worry about this.... ;)

Drowsey Monkey: The jacuzzi was the ONE item we splurged on when we built this place back in '87. It IS nice to have, I'll admit, but the jets are a pain to clean.

Heather: Oh, thank the Gods I am not the only one who does this! Ha!

Janet: Har Janet!!! Yes, sounds like this is a popular tactic; but I do hope you find your stuffed-away stuff again soon! Perhaps Lily can hunt it down for you.

The Green Stone Woman: Well, he does the lawn mowing, not just for us, but for our elderly neighbors and my parents. And in winter, the snow shoveling for us and our neighbors.... the rest? Well, yeah, I am so OCD I'd rather I do it myself. That way, I know where everything is.

Momo Fali: Har! Me too! Sometimes I really wonder what the heck is going to happen with all the stuff I have collected over the years. Poor daughter...

Babs-beetle: You are absolutely correct. However, I am sure people know as soon as they arrive that we are "pet people".

Badass Geek: Ahahaha! Yeah, it could create MORE problems than solve!

Ettarose: :D So glad I could inspire another post... and I went over to read it. Hilarious!!! A great spin on it!

Jay: We started watching part way through the first season, so we got the DVD. Have Tivo'd every show since and always, for some strange reason, watched them while we were eating. Not a good idea...
And as for Johnny; well, yes, I am sure you (and I, and perhaps many thousands more) would be locked up in seconds, poor man. Ha! ;)

Bruce: Until you hear / see Hugh Laurie in any other show or in real life, you will never appreciate just what a marvelous actor he is. I LOVE hearing his English accent; and he is an incredible musician as well.

Reforming Geek: Ooops, my bad. Well, just think; this show could be in impetus we all need to have clean, orderly homes. Then again, maybe not. I think I'll stick to the old tried and true "hiding the crap in the closet" method.

Jo-Jo: Ha! I'll have to remember that one!

Swubird: Oh does time fly alright. My home was clean once... the day we moved in back in 1987. It's been downhill ever since.

Karen Meg: A cleaning lady???? But that's just ANOTHER person who will see what I mess I live in! Gah! I would have to CLEAN before I allowed her in the house!!! (Yes, my summer has been great; so jealous of your Blogher trip BTW...)

DJ Kirkby said...

Ooooh I love watching House! I would also love very much to have a jacuzzi. Jealous!

Maureen said...

DJ Kirby: Yes, using the jacuzzi is nice, cleaning it is NOT. ;)

Cupcake Blonde said...

You kept repeating what I always say to myself whenever I catch an episode of House: Man that Aussie guy is HOT! :)

anand said...

Ohhh...... would anyone tell me what are they doing.

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Jill said...

I saw that show & enjoyed it the first couple times. But by the third time I saw it, I figured out it's always the same. Some mystery disease, Dr. House is the only one who can solve it WHILE being mean to everyone. Here's hoping he never looks in your jacuzzi!

Maureen said...

Hah Vegas Princess! I'm glad SOMEONE finally picked up on that!

Jill: It IS predictable... and yes, I do hope my jacuzzi is safe from prying interns.

Louise said...

I vote for cutting back on mundane chores in the first place. Wise choice.

Maureen said...

Louise: Yes, it definitely is the way to go ;)

kathryn said...

Just found you thru The Junk Drawer-great post! I find personally, (because now that I'm commenting, you MUST listen) it's better to go to your "happy" albeit "scary-happy" place whilst cleaning the jacuzzi than to do what I did...which was to listen to upbeat tunes on my iPod. Nothing smart about dancing on a slippery, half-washed down surface...but I couldn't help myself. Next time, at least I'll try to remember to put on shoes...

P Shane McAfee said...

This is very funny. I am probably like most people who think that I would never be sick enough NOT to punch Gregory House, M.D. in the mouth. I like your perspective on this as a blog writer and a House fan.

Congratulations on becoming a blog of note.


Maureen said...

Ahahaha Kathryn! Yes, shoes ARE a good safety precaution whilst dancing.

BDGJM: Thank you Shane! Welcome another House fan!

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