Now That's Just Cruel

If you've been reading awhile, you may recall I often lament of a terrible, horrendous and dreadful situation which occurs on nearly a daily basis here at work. It's known by the name:

Free Lunch

Um, wha? How can you possibly say that Maureen?? It's FREE! IT'S FOOD!
(I heard you; no need to shout.)


Well, it's terrible, horrendous and dreadful because I have absolutely NO willpower. Especially with anything "Free". Zilch. Nada.

It's hard enough running out the door in the morning with a meager lunch so I'll stay healthy and drop a few pounds... but when the inevitable knock comes to my office door announcing "leftovers!" I am spineless. I mindlessly (but happily) join the throng stampeding to the staff room in search of cheesy pizza, spicy Greek delicacies, thick deli sandwiches on soft chewy bread with pickles and chips, delicious Chinese food, or if Morning Rounds have just let out, sweet danish or sinful muffins, juice, coffee, yogurt, cream cheese and fruit.

Gahhh! I can't resist! It all tempts me, calling out my name... "You know you want me..."

Apparently, when one has no willpower one also possess the skill of hearing food talk.

At least I do.



But yesterday the worst, most nasty thing happened at work.

No, they didn't take the food away, leaving us cold turkey. (Mmmmm.... turkey......)

Nope. It's worse.

They added THIS to the women's bathroom:

Bathroom Scale

Now that's just cruel.

38 People would rather be commenting:

Twain12 said...

i hear you lol, or do i hear the food;)

Sistertex said...

Ack!!! That IS cruel!

I am a Celiac so I don't have a lot of trouble avoiding food when I am out of my 'gluten-less' environment. But put me at a gluten-free table and well there is no telling what might happen.

I have come to understand that scales are inventions of cruel skinny people with fast metabolisms. ;)

I *so* feel your pain.

middleagedcrazywoman said...

Food calls to you too?!?! Currently the kid's easter stash is calling me..

"Come 'on Shel... the kids aren't here, they don't count their stash.. there's plenty here.." and with some evil in that voice "You know you want me..."

That scale, however, declares war. Go pop it in the men's room...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

M

ps- man.. that last piece of Lindt bunny is really calling me.

Gaia said...

haha, love your stories!!!

Sam Liu said...

I am sure this is some sick, psychological trick that you're boss is playing - provide them with copious amounts of delicious food that they simply can't resist, allow them to feast to their heart's content, and then succinctly place some bathroom scales in the lavatories. How evil! You should totally seek revenge...

TS Hendrik said...

LOL that is cruel and usual punishment.

Cole said...

We have free snacks and sodas at work. Most of the employees graze like cattle all day. The thing that cracks me up the most is when someone says, "I shouldn't be eating this." People say that...but that doesn't even stop them. We think the boss keeps us grazing so we keep wanting to work there. Well, so far it's working.

Kisma said...

That is just wrong... funny as hell, but wrong.

sharonheg said...

When I worked in a hospital, we had free food and snacks ALL the time. If it wasn't the pre-packaged graham crackers that we had available for patients' snacks, it was the yummy stuff that patients' families brought us, or something a drug company or doctor would give. Christmastime was THE WORST! And did anyone give ANYTHING healthy? No. Working in a hospital is DANGEROUS to the waistline!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Crap! That is cruel! Chocolate talks to me the loudest.

Jennifer said...

THAT'S SO HORRIBLE!! How dare they add a scale after taunting you all with such delicacies?

And no worries, I would feast like a beast on those leftovers, too. :D

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah, those counter tops are an awful color, aren't they?

What?

Oh, THAT.

I was pretending I didn't see it.

Got sledgehammer?

Kael Hunt said...

Okay, now that I'm back from explaining to my hubby why I'm laughing, let me just say that (1) I also hear free food talk and have no willpower to resist and (2) I am now glad I work in a commercially-leased building, where they wouldn't dare put that vile thing!

Nora Ibsen said...

There's a rule that says you're only supposed to weigh yourself early in the morning in your underwear. Just stick to that and ignore that scale. It all depends on what you wear anyway and can't be trusted.

Dork Vader said...

That is cruel. Cruel and unusual punishment. Your boss must be some sort of psycho nut who gets enjoyment from tearing other people's self esteem apart. Either that or he's just crazy.

Daisy said...

I want to work where you do!

Brenda Grolle said...

My husband is always snagging leftovers at work. He even has a work buddy who will call him on the phone to tell him about them.

JoJo said...

That is messed up! I wonder how long it'll take for the the scale to disappear. Scales are verboten in my home.

There was a great creepy show on in the 80's - can't remember what it was called but it was like a modern Twilight Zone. One episode featured a dieting woman couldn't stop eating. Someone gave her a diet pill, but it made her hear the food begging for mercy and screaming when she would go to eat it. The episode ended with authorities finding her dead, with her mouth sewn shut. Pretty gruesome. Please don't do that to yourself next time you hear the food calling you!

SWUBIRD said...

Maureen:

You are so funny. Get with the program, weigh yourself morning and night and hypnotize yourself away from the leftovers.

But don't get me wrong. I used to work at a place where one of our affiliates used to bring in a huge box of the best cookies you ever tasted. They were absolutely lip-smacking delicious and I would sneak four or five of them into my desk drawer for emergencies.

Great post.

Happy trails

Curly Glamour Girlie said...

I seriously lost weight when I left my last job that used to feed us lunch. I've been on the "bringing salads or buying vegetable ladden soups" plan. It works very very well!

Janet said...

lol I'd say get rid of that scale PRONTO, under the cover of darkness. No one will ever know what happened to it!

Tooting Squared said...

Speaking as one nearing the end of week two of a Serious Diet, I can confirm that only bad food talks. Good food - lettuce, cucumber, broccoli, is absolutely silent.

How nice of your employers to put a handbag stand in your bathroom!

Babs-beetle said...

Ha ha ha ha! We got rid of ours years ago hahaha! Don't even own one now, though we don't get tasty leftovers either!

Gnetch said...

That's just mean! Haha.

Just pretend you don't see it. :)

Vegas Princess said...

That thing would be in the trash so fast at my work. Because as a TV station we get a ton of free food due to chefs on the show etc. No one wants to see the after-effects of all those munchies.

Boatwoman said...

Freebies are always fantastic. And like you I would never be able to resist. But to then add scales to the ladies room is just down right cruel. I bet the men do not have them in their room. Maybe you should sneak them over to the mens room LOL.

jay said...

Hahahahahaha!!!

My bathroom scales are broken you know. No, I have no evidence to back this up, and I haven't actually stepped on them in about a year, but I'm convinced. Call me a liar! LOL!

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, they are totally messing with you!

I used to work in an office where everyone was constantly bringing in food. Not just coffeecakes or cookies but full, 5-course meals. Crockpots, chafing dishes, hot plates. It was ridiculous. And delicious. Thank god there was no scale in the ladies' room.

Bruce said...

Hehehe.....funny....cruel, but funny.

Bea Boomer said...

Arrghh! Scale in the work restroom? No way. I do not, repeat, do not believe in weight scales. Don't trust 'em.
I know many "food" people at work - they use any excuse to bring in yummies to tempt all of us with. (my office mates coerce me with a.m. emails: "There's cheesecake in the fridge," "My wife made cookies," etc.) Yikes!

Ling Ling said...

I totally feel you there! Where I work there are a few individuals who bring in food specifically to share, and its always something sweet or very rich and right before lunch so I'm starving.. It is pure torture!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I think I need to put one next to my desk! OMG this morning it started with some Lemon cake left over from Friday (co-workers last day), then I had my left over chinese food from that same co-workers last lunch out on Thursday, followed by some carrot cake that someone brought in this morning. It's no wonder I took my bathing suit right back off after I put it on yesterday. SCARY!

JennyMac said...

HAHAHAH..I can not believe there is a scale in there. Who is behind that? LOL

Perle said...

So unkind. Bet the never put one in the men's room.

VE said...

heh heh...I got to see in the women's bathroom....

Crazy Brunette said...

Oh those bastards, it's a fucking conspiracy!!!

And thanks VERY much, I am now STARVING at midnight!

@ly said...

I understand what your saying our office is always loaded with food and it's great until the scale tells us otherwise. :-) You can always ignore the scale and act like it's not there!! LOL!

Marla said...

This post made me miss my working days. I need to get another job. MMMMMM.....free lunch....

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