... now.

There's a new database clerk at work who won't leave me alone.

She's stuck to me like Super Glue.

Oh. Joy.

When she was hired a few weeks back, I was asked to meet briefly with her to do my usual schitck.... you know, introduce myself and let her know that I am the computer geek support person for the Program. Like I do every time someone starts here.

That was the beginning of the end of my treasured solitary office lifestyle.

Because since then:

She emails me multiple times a day.

She leaves voicemails constantly.

She pops by unannounced.

She doesn't make a decision or move without consulting me first.

She even saves a seat for me beside her at meetings. And when I sit across the table, she MOVES to sit next to me.

Last week she pleaded for another one of her "emergency" meetings. After many emails and voicemail requests for help, I dragged myself over to her office in another building. Just to supervise her pushing one frickin' button.

Now, I AM a team player. I am also willing to help out a newbie. But this is getting ridiculous...

Gahhh!

I need an Advanced Warning System with my very own tracking radar.

Until I can requisition that, I'll have to depend on call display and my locked door without a window.

Because I am officially in hiding.

... at breakneck speed.

Take the other night, for example.




NOT the prime equation for my hyperactive imagination.

It had been a hot day, so I needed to cool down and clean up. Since I was home alone, I went through The Pre-Shower Drill:

Lock and bolt the front door.

Ditto the back door.

Close the windows.

Lock the glass dining room patio sliders.

Lock the bathroom door.

I then proceeded to:

Jump into the tub. Shampoo.

Distinctly hear the front door opening and closing.

Freeze.

Freak out a bit when the dog barks.

Was that the door?

Nah.

On second thought, I'm SURE it was... maybe someone came home early.

I turn off the shower and listen.

Dog whines and barks again.

Freak out a little bit more. (Okay, okay. A LOT more).

Gory scenes from Psycho and every other slasher movie I have been stupid enough to watch fast-forward through my mind.

Aaaahh! Getoutta my head!!!!

And just like the doomed idiots in those movies, I climb out of the shower, wrap a towel around my dripping, soapy self and exit the bathroom with shampoo lather dribbling down my back.

Leaving a trail of water as I tiptoe down the dark hallway to investigate, I check every door and every window ... whilst unsuccessfully attempting to push the image of a hockey-masked serial killer wielding a butcher knife from my mind.

No one is there.

The doors are still locked.

The windows still closed.

Stupid dog.

I return to the bathroom to finish rinsing off, only to pause at the door.

Hold on...

What if someone is hiding behind the shower curtain?

Stupid slasher movies.



Stupid imagination.