Letting My Imagination Run Away

... at breakneck speed.

Take the other night, for example.

Me alone

NOT the prime equation for my hyperactive imagination.

It had been a hot day, so I needed to cool down and clean up. Since I was home alone, I went through The Pre-Shower Drill:

Lock and bolt the front door.

Ditto the back door.

Close the windows.

Lock the glass dining room patio sliders.

Lock the bathroom door.

I then proceeded to:

Jump into the tub. Shampoo.

Distinctly hear the front door opening and closing.


Freak out a bit when the dog barks.

Was that the door?


On second thought, I'm SURE it was... maybe someone came home early.

I turn off the shower and listen.

Dog whines and barks again.

Freak out a little bit more. (Okay, okay. A LOT more).

Gory scenes from Psycho and every other slasher movie I have been stupid enough to watch fast-forward through my mind.

Aaaahh! Getoutta my head!!!!

And just like the doomed idiots in those movies, I climb out of the shower, wrap a towel around my dripping, soapy self and exit the bathroom with shampoo lather dribbling down my back.

Leaving a trail of water as I tiptoe down the dark hallway to investigate, I check every door and every window ... whilst unsuccessfully attempting to push the image of a hockey-masked serial killer wielding a butcher knife from my mind.

No one is there.

The doors are still locked.

The windows still closed.

Stupid dog.

Shower curtainI return to the bathroom to finish rinsing off, only to pause at the door.

Hold on...

What if someone is hiding behind the shower curtain?

Stupid slasher movies.

Stupid imagination.

26 People would rather be commenting:

Bruce Johnson said...

I think you are personfiying the 'victimized' American mindset that Michael Moore chronicaled in his film Fahrenheit 451. Your next step would be to buy a gun (which is illegal in Canada, thank God)

Heather said...

Thank goodness it was only your imagination! I hear lots of things while I'm in the shower too. But it's usually my son getting into trouble. I'd rather it just be my imagination!

darla said...

Oh Maureen... this is a good post! I can relate so well! Why oh why do we "hear" things at the most inconvienent times!
Have a good weekend!

Jessica said...

I always hear things when I'm in the show. Especially when no one else is home. and like you, the shower scene always enters my head! What was Hitchcock thinking! :) He made the shower a much scarier place. lol

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

And just what did you think you were going to do if you encountered a burglar... drip on him?

Ooh... maybe you could shake your hair and fling shampoo into his eyes. That would teach him!

Ooh ooh... even better - snap him real hard with your towel! No scratch that - he would probably like that.

Maureen said...

Lotus07: In his Columbine movie, he also noted we Canucks don't lock our doors when we are home either; which is true, except when showering...

Heather: Hah! Yeah, kids THINK they know when it's safe to get into trouble, don't they?

Darla: Thanks...I know! Have a great weekend too!

Jessica: That stupid movie enters my mind nearly every shower... damn him!

Jeff: HA HA HA!!! Yeah, the burgler would be screaming "My Eyes! My Eyes!" and NOT from getting shampoo flicked into them. No, that would be his response to my towel removal... Har!

Ed & Jeanne said...

What if there was somebody there and you're actually dead but you don't know it?

What if this is just a giant computer simulation and you're in a goo infested cell creating energy for machines?

What if the force WASN'T with us?

What if your shower curtains were avacado green?

What if the tub suddenly started to drain counter-clockwise?

So many questions...

MYM said...

lol ... you need to be alone more! I live alone, but I do have a see-thru shower curtain ... ever since I first saw Psycho ... it's gotta be see thru!

Kathy said...

I guess it won't help when I tell you this happened to my sister-in-law. In the shower. Husband still sleeping. Stranger enters bathroom. Freak out of the highest magnitude. Turns out the guy was looking for a woman who lived in the back part of their split residence house. He got it SO wrong. Sister-in-law screamed bloody murder. Husband awoke. Ran naked after stranger. Stranger wet his pants. Guy's lucky he didn't get killed.

Jen W said...

I used to have a room mate who would sleep with a knife under her pillow when the rest of us were gone for the night.

When I'm home alone, I tend to think I still hear my kids voices in the house- it's odd.

Brom said...

Don't forget the plughole... another point of entry!!

Janet said...

And do you wonder what exactly you would do if you encountered the slasher while dripping wet in the hallway? I'd be all self-conscious and say "Before you slash me, wait just a second while I get my robe." lol

Ann(ie) said...

hehe. I'm the same way. SO the same way....and I love what Jeff said...what are you going to do drip on him??? hehe. exactly. I'd at least scare him with the size of me arse!!!

Jo Beaufoix said...

God Maureen I am just like this. I have to check out all funny noises, check and re-check the doors and double check the alarm is on. We have one that you can put on when you're upstairs so I always use it and it does make me feel safer.

Irene said...

Damn, that's why I hate taking showers when I am home alone and guess what? I am home alone all the time now.I don't think the Uberhund is going to be much protection either. he is just going to wag his tail a lot.

JD at I Do Things said...

Brrrrr!!! I used to be the same way. But then my husband started the graveyard shift (and worked it for 3 years), so I knew I'd HAVE to get it together. Sleeping with the light on does not result in refreshing night's sleep.

JD at I Do Things

Ed (zoesdad) said...

You sound just like my wife and her pre-shower home alone routine.

Me? I hear screams all the time when I shower. It's usually a kid falling down the stairs. (They wait until they hear the water running to do stupid things.)

Maureen said...

VE: Then I would have to call on Haley Joel Osmet. Hmmm… take the blue pill or the red pill? Then I couldn’t help Luke at all! Then I would be in the 70’s… and then I knew I was at the Bates Motel. Did I get them right?

Iceel: AHHH!

Drowsey Monkey: You know, we usually DO have the crystal clear one too (for exactly that same reason)… but last time they were sold out (obviously this is a wide-spread phobia) and I had to take the semi-transparent one.

Kathy: Oh, great. You HAD to justify my fears. Thanks. Thanks a lot. ;) Good to hear she was okay (and I must say the ending was hilarious!)

Jen: Yikes! It’s amazing she didn’t cut HERSELF!

Brom: Oh, thanks….. even MORE to worry about!

Janet: Ha! Yeah, I never thought that far ahead, obviously…

Ann(ie): Har!!! Me too!

Jo: Glad to hear I’m not the only paranoid one.

Irene: Oh, but you are much braver than I, Irene. But Jesker can attack them with cuteness, no?

JD: I can SO relate…

Ed: Hah! Yeah, kids just know when the best opportunity presents itself, don’t they?

Phoenix5 said...

I never hear ANYTHING when I'm in the shower, except water running, of course. I guess it's a good thing I also have the "ultimate guard dog" roaming around my house. My Sheltie will bark any intruder's ears off! I guess we are not your normal Canucks either; we lock our doors ALL the time - especially since that crazy old lady and her daughter walked right in one New Year's Eve. The daughter was so embarrassed, her mother was furious at us for being in her other daughter's house! LOL!

Cupcake Blonde said...

I do this when people are home and freak myself out. I hate when I feel vulnerable and in the shower is a huge time of that for me. And of course my husband just LOVES to scare me when I am in there and unaware.

Cupcake Blonde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ed & Jeanne said...

Dang Maureen...you're good at movie references! I always cringe when I write anything about Star Wars because I know you'll come knocking to correct me! ha ha. Now I'll have to be sure on ALL my movie references...

Stacey said...

Oh I can so relate!

BusyDad said...

And that is why I am all for arming dogs. They'll even take the rap, tail a waggin.

Jill said...

That's why it's great to have pets, although your dog didn't seem to help you in this particular case. I chalk up all sorts of scary night noises to those little furballs & they're more than happy to take the blame. :-) Of course, they usually ARE to blame...

Maureen said...

Phoenix5: Ha! Well, I guess I would lock my doors if that happened to me too!

Vegas Princess: Oh, now that is just mean... sounds like something MY hubby would try, if he only knew how freaked I get.

VE: ;)

Worker Mommy: Glad to hear I'm not the only one...

BusyDad: Ha! Yeah, I've seen your two; they would probably lick an intruder to death... or chew on those squeaky toys and render the burgler deaf.

Jill: Exactly! You know what I mean. Doesn't it freak you out when they think they hear / see something that's not there? Grrr....

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