I Am Going To Hell

Old enough to be his mother, I should NOT be thinking this is one of the sexiest covers I've seen in a long time....

I Finally Said Something

I did it. Hell ya.

I finally stood up for myself. Well, for my daughter actually.

We were on our way to the mall. Daughter was driving; doing well with her learner's permit. She pulled up to a spot in the lot and on my suggestion, backed up a bit to get a better angle to pull in straight.

Unfortunately Mr. Ass-in-a-Beater behind us figured two seconds was too much of his precious time to wait and began to threateningly rev his engine.

"Ooooh big man...." I mutter to myself. I mean, this really pisses me off. Especially when there is a large "Novice Driver " sign in our back window.

As we pull in and park, he revs his car again and speeds past, squealing into a spot a few cars up.

Perfect, I thought. This time I am NOT wimping out. I get out of the car as soon as we stop.

"You know" I begin as he is walking up to our vehicle, "patience IS a virtue. She's just learning."

He sniggers, but then his face goes all taught and red as a lady and her hubby (whom I never even noticed before) across from our van stop packing their trunk and yell "Yeah. Way to go!"

I am spurned on to even greater bravery.

"Well, I can't stand impatient jerks." I loudly declare.

Again, lady and hubby vocally agree and said Mr. Ass-in-a-Beater slithers off to Walmart.

I didn't want to embarass my daughter, and worried about how she would react. Getting out of the driver's seat, she came up and hugged me.

"You're so cool, Mom."

That was all I needed to hear.

Cat Vs Catfish

Kitty widescreen TV...


If she's not hanging off the end of the aquarium, you can find Sheba like this...mezmerized by the black and silver Angelica catfish we have had for years.

And the 4 inch long fish isn't scared or startled by the feline attention; it often swims right up to stare face-to-face back at the cat.


Is it just me, or is there a freaky resemblance that may just explain their strange attraction to each other?

96 Degrees of Separation

January 12th... I blogged that it was -48 Celcius with the windchill (that's -54 F for those metrically-challenged folk) that day.

Ah, it seems like so long ago.

Now that I am sitting here sweating.

With two fans pointed at me for at least a bit of a relieving breeze.

Because yesterday we hit +48 Celcius with the humidex... (or 118 F)

A swing of 96 degrees Celcius in 6 months.

Not exactly most people's idea of Canada, is it?

Damn "Global Warming" melted my igloo!

Territorialism

Last Christmas I bought our ten year old dog her own bed. No big deal; lots of dogs have their own beds, right? It was nothing fancy; just a foam and fabric mattress that she could rest her aging bones on.

"Now THIS will be more comfortable than just the carpet", I thought, imagining her happy little face and big floppy ears resting upon the soft warm cushion, content in the luxury that I had so lovingly bestowed upon her ...

And yet again, I thought wrong.

You see, getting the dog to actually USE the darn thing was a challenge.

To say the least.

Not treats, bones nor toys would entice her to sleep on it. For months that little green bed sat empty...

...while she slept BESIDE it on the hard floor.

Resigning myself to the wasted money and effort, one day our cat took possession of said bed. Constantly finding her curled up in it, Sheba's days and nights were filled with the comfort of her new discovery.





And that was all it took.... after tolerating this invasion for a bit, the dog finally decided it was time to reclaim her lost territory.




Now why the heck I didn't think of this sooner, I'll never know.

What I DO know, is that the cat has more success at training the dog than I do....

The Simpsons Movie

In anticipation of Friday's release, check out this trailer for a chuckle:

I gotta admit that I when I first heard they were going to make a full-length feature movie, I was a bit skeptical... I mean, can a 30 minute TV cartoon (however successful) make it on the big screen? Well, who knows...if it's as funny as the clips I've seen so far, it just may do well.

I'll confess I am curious about Homer's "Spider Pig, Spider Pig. Does whatever a.... Spider Pig does".

Wanna get animated? Go visit the movie's official website. Here's our family as we would look....

...ummmm, that is after I added our furry friends myself

...and I changed our clothes a bit

...and combined us into a single grouping.

Yes, in fact you are correct.... I DO have way too much spare time on my hands.

Obviously.

Five Things

Vegas Princess tagged me. Err... a week ago. So here I go, finally. Now, instead of putting down five people to tag, let me know if you try this too:


Question #1: What were you doing 5 years ago?

Ah, 2002.... Well I remember we took our first car trip with both a cat and dog to the good ol' U.S. of A.

And then came home with an 8 week old kitten as well.

I still remember Mr. Serious-Customs-Agent asking us to repeat our Declaration at the border.

"Pardon, me? You bought a WHAT?"

Daughter was terrified her Daddy's teasing threat that they would not allow an American cat into Canada would come true...

...it didn't.


Question #2: List 5 snacks you enjoy:

1. Choclate-covered strawberries
2. Chocolate-covered raisins
3. Chocolate-covered almonds
4. Chocolate-covered cranberries
5. Oh, hell, chocolate-covered anything



Aw, crap. Now I have to go hunt down something chocolate-covered to nosh.... BRB
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Sorry. *licks chocolate-covered fingers*

Okay, back to the list.


Question #3: List 5 songs you know all the lyrics to:

1. Any song from "Jesus Christ Superstar". Yup, I can (and have to be honest, on the days I am alone in the house with nothing better to do) sing the entire movie verbatim.

At full volume.

Whilst dancing.

With the curtains drawn, natch.



2. Weird Al's "Ebay". A few weeks ago I heard the original Backstreet "I Want It That Way" and kept singing Al's version instead. Well, no one was with me.

That I knew personally, anyway.

I was shopping, actually...

and just ignored the weird looks those strangers were giving me.

3. "Sargent Pepper" by the Beatles. The entire album (yeah, I said ALBUM...)

So what.

I'm old, okay?

4. Another complete album I have memorized due to massive over-play is "Yellow Brick Road" by Sir Elton. Ah, the 70's..... good times, good times.... (Hah! Good Times!)

You'd have to be a child of the 70's to get that one....

5. I know this list is supposed to be a single song you know by heart... let's see, there are actually so many. I'll choose "Love Today" by Mika. Such a fun song to sing in the car.

By myself.

With the windows rolled up.

And pretending not to sing when other cars pass by.


Question #4: List 5 bad habits:

1. I tend to be sarcastic (No! Really???)

2. I can be a procrastinator (case in point: taking a week to do a simple meme...)

3. I tend to overuse "..." whilst writing...

4. I sing in the car, which is bad because my singing is baaaaaad

5. I eat way too many chocolate-covered things which is one of the major reasons for items in the list below.


Question #5: List 5 things you would never wear again:

1. Hot pants. Yes, I really did own a pair in the 70's. They had a bib with a pocket.

And were Black.

And Velvet. Oooooh....

2. Bikini (no need to explain further, thank you ver, ver much).

3. Track suit. I am not athletic. Never was, come to think of it. I was only kidding myself when I wore that red and white polyester suit with the headband, wrist bands and matching cool Addidas runners back in school.....

I do believe it was the ONLY reason I passed Phys Ed.

4. My "Jane Fonda" spandex aerobics bodysuit, complete with shiny gold tights and knitted leg warmers!

Hah, hah, hah, hah.....I can't BELIEVE I ever wore that!!!!!

Ooooh... the wrist bands made a repeat appearance at this time as well. Nothing says "I am in shape" like WRISTBANDS!!!



5. Oh my, can't I stop now??? Let's see. I'll never wear half the clothes in my closet again.

But I can't bear to get rid of them. Maybe my black and red "Micheal Jackson" one-piece jumpsuit will come back in style one day.

You never know.


Okay, your turn. Let me know if you do this. And if it took YOU a week to finish like I did.

It's Over...

The end of an era. I just finished the last Harry Potter book.


Yes, we were there at midnight Friday to get our copy of "The Deathly Hallows" at the release party.

And ever since I have been in a magical trance, reading until my eyes blurred beyond comprehension. I don't know if I've ever read 600+ pages in a day and a half before.

A day and a half. Not counting time to get much-needed shopping done.

Not counting time to make meals.

Not counting laundry, dishes and taking-care-of-pets time.

But now it's over. I know what happens.

Oh don't worry, I won't divulge it here. All I can say is that JK pulled out all the stoppers; all the tricks in her bag, all the action, suspense, humor and tears.

And I am glad.

So glad to have experienced it all.

Thank you Ms Rowling. It was an incredible ride.

What Was I Thinking?

You ever notice that in almost every horror movie, the Lead Character always has to investigate a creepy darkened house, the spooky basement or deep into the haunted woods by themselves, even after witnessing all their friends being bludgeoned to death in some gruesome manner? I mean, how many of us have screamed at the TV or movie screen "Don't go in there, you idiot!"

Well, I have.

And that same warning was echoing in my head this morning.

Repeatedly.

And loudly, in fact.

Why? Well to let our dog out into the backyard, I have to pass through the garage. As we walked out early this morning, the harsh scratching sound of sharp nails on the wall snapped my bleary senses to to full attention.

"Not good", I think.

"Not a mouse either", I add.

"It's too loud...." I further summize.

Casey comes back into the garage and we quickly get inside the house. But curiosity got the better of me and I went back to take another look. The sound was in fact coming from outside, along the flower bed at the side of the house.

So what, in my infinite wisdom do I do?

Yeah, I walk outside in bare feet and PJs to see if I can locate the culprit. But before I see it, I can SMELL it.

A skunk. Figures; it's garbage day.

Ignoring the voice screaming

"What the hell are you DOING? Are you that stupid?"

inside my head, I CONTINUE to investigate. Tiptoeing along the side of the house, I strain to glimpse the telltale black and while striped varmint.

However, once the bush in the flowerbed began to rustle, I was back inside the house in a flash.

The Lead Character is safe once again.

Kitty Metamucil

Now, I can understand if a cat would unroll the toilet paper simply for amusement sake. I mean, once they get that thing going, I can imagine it would be quite fun watching it all spill to the ground in a heap.

I could even picture a cat grabbing the paper at the end and racing around, pulling it off the roll, TP'ing the house.

But this?


I have no idea what possesses Dakotah to do this.

Kleenex, paper napkins or toilet paper; she has this strange attraction to them all. I have to turn our tissue boxes upside down or she'll pull them all out.

And EAT them.

Perhaps she's trying to tell me, in her mischeivious cat-like way, that she has a lack of fibre in her diet...

Well, even so, this is NOT something I want unexpected holes in.

Weird Dream

Sunday night I dreamt I was outside raking the lawn. This is weird in of itself, as:

1) I was actually OUTSIDE

2) Raking is hubby's job

But back to the dream. A young man came speeding across my manicured (and surprisingly hilly*) lawn, tearing it up with his bike.

When I asked him to leave as this was private property, he snapped my rake in two.

Now, I am no Sigmund Freud, but I do believe this was a sign.

A clear sign that I should just stay inside.

And blog.

So I did. All day Monday.

* I live on the Prairies; the closest thing to hills are speed bumps at the local mall.

It's The Same, Only Different...

Welcome to my brand new and shiny "I'd Rather Be Blogging" blog. Yup, I have officially moved my old blog "Stale Coffee" here.

Why the heck would I do that, you ask? (or maybe you didn't...)

Well, other than being a glutton for punishment, when I found this URL was available, I felt it was just "right". And since I set it up on a separate account, I have a lot more disk space available for the future. So, although it was a pain to do, I have "moved over".

What does this mean for you, my loyal reader(s)?

a) A change in name and URL from "Stale Coffee" .... yup, I'll be posting only here now, but I'll have a link posted there to re-direct. If you have a link to my old blog, I would be eternally grateful if it were changed if possible. In return I'll be sure to add you to my list of links (if I haven't already done so).

b) My previous blog will remain online indefinitely, I just won't be updating it.

c) Some of my favorite posts that were older than a month were copied here too. So if it looks like I only posted five times last year, well, those are just my "Best Of" rants. So far, at least... who knows, I may get bored and bring more over eventually.

d) I also copied over all your kind comments on the transferred posts. Unfortunately, Blogger doesn't make it easy to tranfer comments, so I had to manually cut and paste them and added links so people can still find ya. Just right-click on your name to open the link in a new window. I wish it could have been smoother, but at least I could do that much.

So was it worth it? Well, time will tell, I guess. Hopefully if you liked "Stale Coffee" in the past, you'll keep visiting me here.

Only from now on, you'll have to bring your own coffee...

Guard Dog

Now ten years old, I can see how our dog's personality has changed. She's becoming a crotchety old lady... take, for example, her most recent idiosyncrasy:

Whenever I take a shower, she sits and guards the bathroom door like it's Fort Knox.

Hubby and Daughter tell me that she actually growls at them if they pass the door when I am in there. I don't know why, but apparently she believes I am doing something that requires the utmost protection.

*I* think it's funny.

My family? Not so much....

Teddy Rescue

As usual, Saturday morning was spent with daughter at Starbucks and a jaunt around the mall. Now that she is driving, I can sit back and relax on the drive.

It also gives me opportunity to spot interesting things to blog about.

And so it happened that on our way home, I see a white fluff on the side of Bishop Grandin highway. As we pass it at 80 Km/hr, I realise it is a child's teddy bear, face down on the pavement like some toy-version CSI victim.


I ask daughter to pull into the nearest parking lot and we walk back to the scene of the crime, daughter darting her eyes left and right, praying no one she knows sees what we are about to do.


I jump over the ditch and soon come across the little stuffed roadkill and grab it before the oncoming traffic runs it over yet again. Poor guy is muddied and squashed.


We sit him in our little Teddy Ambulance and whisk him home for a good bath in the clothes washer. A new bow and a squirt of Juniper Breeze Body Splash (my daughter's idea) makes this little bear look brand new.


And now "Grandin" has a spot of honor beside me and my computer.

Abbott And Costello

Ever hear the classic Abbott and Costello comedy routine, "Who's On First?"

Well, here's a similar skit just waiting to be performed. I can see it now:

Crisply-Uniformed Technician behind Automotive Service Desk:
"Yes, sir we can repair your VW Beetle today. Licence plate number, please?"

Customer: "What."

C.U. Service Tech repeats request, a bit louder this time: "LICENCE PLATE NUMBER?"

Customer, cranking up the volume as well: "WHAT."

C.U. Service Tech, believing Customer to be hard of hearing, leans across the counter and tries again: "YOUR LICENCE PLATE NUMBER, PLEASE SIR!!!"

Customer, believing the C.U. Service Tech to be a Crisply-Uniformed Idiot:
" W - H - A - T ! "

C.U. Service Tech, glancing out service bay window:

"Oh...."

"My Ponytail Is Giving Me A Headache"

... well, not MY ponytail (I don't wear one, actually).

No, this was the ultimate excuse by a slacker co-worker to go home "sick" yet again a few days ago (perhaps she had run out of believeable reasons utilized on nearly a weekly basis).

I was flabergasted.

Amazed.

Dumbfounded.

And not at all surprised when she was fired today.

Slurpee-toba

Okay, now there's a coincidence. I didn't even realise this was about to happen when I made the last post. Really.

It was announced today that we (Winnipeg, Manitoba) are indeed the Slurpee Capital of the World for the EIGHTH year in a row! As today is Slurpee Day (7/11) and their 80th birthday, each 7-11 is handing out 1,000 free Slurpees. Woo Hoo! (as Homer would say).


Gots me a free Slurpiccino (the jury's still out on whether that's the best way to start the day), as well as my bumper sticker and these little goodies:



Mmm...PINK Frosting donuts.

With stickers inside too!

What a way to wake up and shake uncontrollably from a massive sugar overload.

Simpson, Eh?

There are two important facts you should know about my home, Winnipeg:

1) For seven years in a row, Winnipeg has been the official "Slurpee Capital of the World". We drink more Slurpees than anyone on Earth... no kidding.

2) Winnipeg also has the distinction of being the birthplace of Homer Simpson. Yup, creator Matt Groening confirmed the fact. He even had an episode of the Simpsons take place here:


So it should come as no surprise that we here are excited to find the following:

While picking these cups, straws, "Buzz Cola", and Krusty O's cereal, the clerk behind the counter was very sweet, helping me out with all the loot.

Man, I am soooo glad I didn't do my Apu impersonation.

In the nick of time I read the his name badge.

"Manu" would not have been impressed, methinks.

Me and the gang hangin' at the theatre.

My Husband, So Dependable

As hubby is a big Spiderman fan I felt bad we hadn't yet seen Spidey 3 on the big screen, so today I finally treated him to the movie. However we waited so long it was out of the regular theatre and only showing at the "cheap seats" theatre. With tickets at just $ 2 each, it seemed like a great deal....

... until we got to the concession stand where they wanted over $ 8 for a medium popcorn and drink. I guess we know where they make their money now. Well what's a movie without popcorn? So we plopped down nearly $ 20 and made our way into theatre # 6.

The show was good, although I think I still prefer #1 over 2 and 3. And as he does at EVERY movie, I could depend upon hubby to do two things:

1) Leave his seat for either a smoke, food or the bathroom at the EXACT moment that the most important plot point is explained.

2) Fall asleep.

Yup, by the time the credits rolled nearly 2 1/2 hours later, there he was, head down snoring away.

His record still stands.

* Sigh *

Well, at least we got to stay cool in an air-conditioned theatre on a hot muggy day.

07-07-07

Did you watch?

Will you change?

I will.

The concerts accomplished their goal. At least with me. I NEED to do more.

Yeah, I recycle. I compost. I shut off the lights when leaving the room. I open shades instead of turning on the lamps. I open the windows or go into the cool basement instead of having central air. I turn off lights at work; I turn off my computer and printer every night before going home.

But I have to do more.

Before today, I thought whatever I could do wouldn't make any difference at all. I'm just one person. But after watching the world in 24 hours, I have realized that when we all think that way, nothing WILL happen.

So even if you didn't see the concert, go here to learn what you CAN do.

LIVE EARTH

I CAN make a difference. And so can YOU.

This Is Painful

What was I thinking?

When I got my new laptop, I offered to teach my technology-challenged hubby how to use a computer on the desktop system I moved downstairs.

His first lesson was held last weekend. After showing him the basics, how to use the mouse, the parts of the CPU, how to open, close and minimize Windows, he ended up playing Space Invaders all night.

* Sigh *

(BTW, I totally whipped his butt with my high scores...)

Anyway, at least the poor guy is trying.

He IS having difficulty getting a handle on all the new lingo he hears daughter and I banter back and forth though.

The other day he broke us up by saying how cool it was that I had gotten a 'Boggle Award'.

"Um, no honey, not 'Boggle'." I interjected.

"Oh, 'Google' Award" he corrected himself.

Sigh. "Not quite sweetheart. It's a 'Blogging' Award."

"Ahh."

I know what he'll be doing this weekend.

Space Invaders will be back with a vengance.


It Googles the mind, don't it?

Gotta Have Their Frappuccinos

Each Saturday morning, daughter and I can be found at the local Starbucks savouring our favorite Venti Vices. We're not alone. Every week we are joined by many of the same patrons:

There's Tall-Silver-Haired-Man.

And Mother-With-Twin-Boys.

Hey, there's Guy-With-Laptop!

Yup, we worship together at the alter of High Caloric Sinfulness.

But this past Saturday, strangers dared enter our Inner Sanctum.


Maybe they saw us congregate and actually believed it was a church...

It Has Come To My Attention...

...that I ROCK!

Wooo! Thank you to a new bloggin' buddy, Vegas Princess, who chose me an' my ol' blog with this awesome award! Her blog is wonderfully written about life in Las Vegas; from "Fun in the Convertible" (one of my favorite posts) to her experiences at the Emmy Awards (that's right, I said "Emmy"....uh huh!)

But I wonder; how does someone like me "Rock"? I don't think I've EVER been told I "Rock" before.

No.

Wait.

I'm wrong.

My teenage daughter once told me. Yeah, I remember now.

She wanted money. Or clothes. She definitely was buttering me up for something -- and we WERE at the mall...

Anyway, when I think of rockin' girls, this sprang to mind:



Then this popped in to swiftly take it's place. An older girl woman amongst rocks - yeah, that's me:


Ah, whatever! What's important is that I have had the extreme pleasure to read the experiences of so many other wonderful female bloggers. Even though it was tough to choose, here are five *I* think "Rock" and are therefore deserving of this award as well. Congrats to you all!

1) Jill @ Twipply Skwood: With a wry sense of humor that I can relate to, Jill keeps me laughing at life's ups and downs. NOT your average Sunday School teacher...

2) Funny Thing @ Toxic Soup: FT is a Brit blogger I stumbled upon when I first began this hobby. Her unique style and outlook on life is, in fact a Funny Thing indeed!

3) Mz Jackson @ Coffee with Ms Jackson: A fairly new bloggin' buddy, MJ also shares a common style and I can totally relate to situations she blogs about. Case in point: I LOVE her post "13 Signs You Have A Teenagers In The House".

4) PI Fredricks @ Small and Big: Her posts are great examples of her skill as an excellent writer. Witty and intelligent, PI's posts are a treat to read.

5) Melissa @ Strawberry Fields Forever: An inspiration and friend in my scrapbooking circle, Melissa blogs about a wide variety of topics, and always has a scrumptious recipe or two to share!

Thank you Vegas Princess for this high royal honour and the opportunity to pass it on to even more deserving female bloggers!

Note To Self...

... never multi-task anything which requires strict timing while watching a marathon of your favorite TV show.

Being a stat holiday yesterday (in lieu of Canada Day Sunday), I spent the whole afternoon watching multiple back-to-back episodes of one of my favorite shows "Little People, Big World" featuring the Roloff family.

Unfortunately, my OCD kicked in soon after it started and I had to find something to actually DO while watching television. Less guilt that way, perhaps. So I folded laundry and colored my ever-greying hair.

Probably not the the smartest thing, now that I think about it....

I got so caught up in the episode where Jacob and Mike get injured from the trebuchet, I left my highlights on too long.

Er, about 45 minutes too long.

Now as a FORMER brunette, I can only hope that blondes do indeed, have more fun.


I mean, really.... they should have some sort of disclaimer like "this show is so good that it is recommended the viewer not attempt multi-tasking of any sort.

Especially hair coloring."

Sloshed Sheba

Okay, okay....paws up.

Who here needs a DD?


Please be assured that no animal was harmed in the making of this post. No alcohol, drugs or catnip was used... Sheba is just naturally goofy without any help from intoxicants.